I think it’s safe to say that 2020 has been one big dumpster fire, am I right?! Considering the terrifying global pandemic, horrendous and continued racial segregation, and stark political divides….
But, hey, at least we’re in agreement together about the awfulness.
Oh, how I love some good ol’ fashioned GIFs about how shitty the state of the world has been and is currently. I relish in the fact that some people out there understand me just a little bit and we can all giggle together in our PJ’s :)
Anyhow, big breath now, I’m going to get a…
The morning fog rolled off the mountains, a cool breeze caressed my skin, and the smell of wild, untouched nature, specifically sagebrush, enveloped me as I walked up to meet a circle of strangers with whom I would not be engaging. I signed up for an afternoon of silent meditation and arrived late and alone, speeding up the hills to the monastery, my tiny fuel-efficient car sputtering out at such angles. I had to press my foot so firmly onto the gas pedal I imagined it busting through the floorboard.
I never planned these types of excursions, so I had…
I’ve tried silky creams on my inner thigh
to stop the aches that arise
I’ve tried pink dainty pills to control
the swing of things
I’ve tried tinctures and potions
trying to mend what feels broken.
I’ve tried meditation and prayer
incense and warm bubble baths
hot tea and therapy
massaging my third eye
wishing I could just die
eating nothing but dirt
desperate to relieve the hurt.
Though nothing seems to take away the burning in my abdomen the rage that boils up into my throat the paranoid thoughts or all the mayhem and days lost to sleeping weeping…
rakija goes down smooth
almost like his convincing words
But it has been her only comfort
since she’s come back
she is reminded of all the things
and she shouldn’t lap
up his gaze
like all the others do
unbeknownst to his passing phase.
She believed him
she believed his soft kisses on her thigh
his breath like a lullaby
his fingers twiddled like playing a piano
her moans a lovely soprano.
But so did they
they, too, watched him from afar
from outside the window, sitting at a bar.
I never knew love could also be pain
not until I heard your name.
Just like I used to hear the sound
of your voice laced with laughter
the lovely infliction
things got tricky
but you later pushed me out
like I was some icky
poison in your veins.
I hope that you gained your sanity,
and that it wasn’t all just vanity
because I remember being friendly
holding you close
loving you the most —
and how quickly the light is shed on all of this shattering a little sliver of bliss blurring my memories into what…
Freelance writer, poet, filmmaker, digital nomad, and health enthusiast.